Week6 - Clean sheet o'clock

     It's something I don't think I've ever seen before (no not that - I'll be going to the doctor's with that tomorrow...). Looking down the results from Week 6 in La Liga there was only one game out of all ten played in which both teams scored, where Real Sociedad held Valencia to a 1-1 draw at Anoeta, while two games produced no goals whatsoever.
     Despite fielding a partial 'B' side, Barcelona extended their run of clean sheets to a sixth successive game in beating Granada 6-0 on Saturday night. Xavi was restored to the line-up and took back captaincy, playing behind a pacy front three of Messi, Neymar and young madrileño Munir El Haddadi. Granada played solidly for the opening 25 minutes but shot themselves in the

"My ball" - Neymar likes footballs

foot when Hector Yuste played a blind and lazy pass straight to Neymar, who gratefully bounded onto it and scored via a deflection off the foot of Martinique international Jean-Sylvain Babin. The Catalan giants then slipped into gear, Ivan Rakitic and Neymar again scoring on the cusp of half time leading to more understated celebrations. Just after the hour mark Messi notched his 400th goal for the club, nodding in following an absolute peach of a volleyed cross from Dani Alves. The dwarfish forward later grabbed his 401st Blaugrana goal after Neymar had completed his hat-trick, rounding the now visibly irate Roberto in the Granada goal after seizing on an abject piece of miscontrol by the hapless (and misspelt) Jeison Murillo.

     Goal-machine to some, flat-track bully to others, CR7 always tries to keep up with his scruffy rival in the history stakes and this weekend equalled a 60-year record by scoring his tenth league goal in just the sixth game of the season - even more impressive bearing in mind he did not partake in one of those. Those of a mathematical bent will work out that Ronaldo is therefore averaging two goals a game. He becomes the first Real Madrid player to reach this landmark, equalling the record

Man Utd fans' planes queuing
up to fly to Spain

set by László Kubala for Barcelona in 1953 and Pahiño for Deportivo the following year. An interesting fact to add is that neither man actually won the Pichichi in those years, beaten by legends Telmo Zarra and Alfredo di Stéfano respectively. Nonetheless, CR7 is now far and away the favourite to claim the crown this season, in spite of the innumerable flocks of planes being hired by deluded Manchester United fans to fly over Real games proclaiming their love for Cristiano. Turns out that it's not been a strike by French pilots that's made things a bit iffy in the air over there of late - it's been the sheer numbers of planes shuttling from UK airports to Spanish airspace, trailing long banners festooned with love poems to Ronaldo. Those United fans really should get a life/get real/support their local team etc etc. The noise of the planes circling overhead notwithstanding, Luka Modric opened the scoring for Madrid at El Madrigal just after the half hour mark with an instinctive snapshot from the edge of the box, meaning that none his goals in Spain have been scored inside the area still. Iker Casillas reclaimed his place between the sticks and was made to work for his clean sheet, which he was lucky to keep intact after a decent double-save ended up at the feet of Ikechukwu Uche with the goal at his mercy. The Villarreal man will have thrown all TVs and the internet out of his house after the game, so desperate will he be to avoid seeing his miss again.
     It seems there's some ungenltemanly stuff going on down on the Costa del Sol. Most teams in La Liga have not suffered any red cards whatsoever, but Javi Gracia's Málaga side have now had to play

Probably best not to say anything...

with a man disadvantage in four of their six games. Weligton was the guilty party this time after picking up two yellows against Getafe. 'Croatian' midfieldsman Sammir must have been taking tips from Real Madrid's game last week and should feel ashamed of himself for the flagrant simulation which saw the Málaga veteran given his marching orders. Javi Gracia was at a loss to explain the high number of reds, walking around the streets outside the Alfonso Pérez stadium after the match professing aloud to anyone who'd listen "I would ask why referees find it so easy to send off Málaga players," perhaps momentarily forgetting the same player's face-grab on Messi just a couple of short days before. Regardless, the game was done and dusted long before that, Míchel Herrero scoring in the 25th minute before los Azulones proceeded to lay siege to the away goal for the rest of the match.
     Some excellent saves and goal-line clearances at Anoeta, where Valencia lost top spot after being held by Real Sociedad. Both 'keepers had an extremely busy day but were helped out by teammates on the few occasions on which the ball evaded them. Los Che took the lead against the run of play when Paco Alcácer showed he's not only a goal-getter, intelligently heading down for Carles Gil to calmly stroke home for his first goal for his hometown club. This was cancelled out rather fortuitously 20 minutes later as one-time great white hope of Spanish football and former Valencia man Sergio Canales notched against his old side.
     Inspired by the return of Diego Simeone to the dugout at the Vicente Calderón, Atlético Madrid

Cholo finishing off his sandwich
for the cameras.

moved level with Valencia courtesy of a 4-0 rout of Sevilla, who slip to fourth. Koke opened the scoring before the game was 20 minutes old, his long-range shot spinning up and over the 'keeper via a deflection off Nicolás Pareja. Driven on by the now-freed Cholo prowling on the touchline and presumably marking his territory by pissing on the water bottles, Atleti then reverted to type. The goals began to go in from deadballs. First Saúl Ñíguez finished off a well-practiced move just before half time, before Raúls García and Jiménez put the game to bed through a penalty and header from a free kick in the last ten minutes.
     Celta Vigo kept up their assault on the top 6 with a 1-0 win at Elche, Nolito leaving it extremely late to score in the very last minute. Eibar cemented their place as the top team in the Basque Country following a 0-0 draw at rivals Athletic Bilbao's San Mamés cathedral. The visitors had more fans in the stadium (over 2,000) than they averaged during all their home games in the Segunda B league (1,500), and in fact now have a waiting list for new members for the first time. Almería remain the second highest-ranked Andalucian team out of five after they won away at Deportivo thanks to an injury time winner from Édgar Méndez. Down in the fledgling relegation zone, Levante have still only scored one goal this season and went down pretty tamely at home to Rayo Vallecano courtesy of a brace from Léo Baptistão, who most definitely has rediscovered his scoring boots. Turns out he forgot them in the Rayo locker room when he left to join Atleti last season. Levante are kept off bottom spot by Córdoba, who still remain winless this season after drawing 0-0 with Espanyol at Nuevo Arcángel despite demonstrating far more attacking intent than the visitors.

Footballer Cockney Rhyming Slang

Shaun (Goater)
description:  a particularly large, buoyant piece of excrement
example:  "I'd give trap six a miss mate, someone's left a right Shaun in there."

Robin (van Persie)
description:  used in a phrase to denote that a situation had appeared in control, but was wasted
example:  "I really couldn't tell you how he missed that, he had the goal at his Robin."